The first video was flagged down and removed resulting in a strike on my account that expires in six months. A guy named HappyCabbie made a video directing people to a girl's video where she licked her feet. In response to that I made a video smoking with my toes. My video was titled, "For HappyCabbie: A Smoking Foot Fetish Video". Both me and the toe licking girl had our videos taken down.
Then HappyCabbie made a video about my video being taken down:
Melsbasketcase got flagged
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltJcHKbmZ-4
In response to that VoxNeruda smoked with his feet:
Hell is Hotter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkdilSZL33I&feature=watch_response
Then in response to that I sniffed my panties and the following video
was age-restricted:
I'm a panty sniffer!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0DW5WYNCg0&feature=watch_response
I am mildly upset but flagging has happened to better, more popular people than me and they survived it without crumbling or going ballistic.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
At least Tori's critics are classier than my trolls!
Tori Amos - Trailer - Night of Hunters on YouTube
TEPIDLY CONSTRUCTED! Isn't that harsh? The last Tori CD I purchased was Scarlet's Walk. I think it is a wonderful album. The album that followed that was given to me on a burned CD from one of my YouTube subscribers. I, still to this day, have not sat and listened to the whole thing. There are a mixture of reasons why I abandoned my dedication to Tori's material. There was something missing and perhaps MrZebra69 described it best.
I purchased Night of the Hunters tonight on Amazon and I think this might be what I am hoping for. Her piano will be prominent in the work since she is working with classical music compositions. I remember when I saw her in Houston in the late 90's how wonderful it was that it was just her and Caton, her guitarist, on stage. I saw her in Detroit for "From the Choirgirl Hotel", (I think that was the album she was promoting at the time). It was a drastic departure from the piano girl days. It was in a huge arena with a full rock band.
So, anyway, it is interesting to note how even beautiful super-talents can have a fickle audience. As far as myself, my output has always been shiznit. Really, I am such an artist. Screaming into a webcam and showing off Japanese snacks. Okay, I will shut up now.
i think she's just thinking too much about everything. her earlier work packed so much visceral, emotional punch, and her later work seems so careful, and so carefully thought out. i'll give her another chance, but i'm not particularly optimistic. i even like the premise, and the narrative of internal, traumatic drama, but something tells me it's going to be the same tepidly constructed swill we've dealt with since "scarlet's walk".
MrZebra69 2 days ago
TEPIDLY CONSTRUCTED! Isn't that harsh? The last Tori CD I purchased was Scarlet's Walk. I think it is a wonderful album. The album that followed that was given to me on a burned CD from one of my YouTube subscribers. I, still to this day, have not sat and listened to the whole thing. There are a mixture of reasons why I abandoned my dedication to Tori's material. There was something missing and perhaps MrZebra69 described it best.
I purchased Night of the Hunters tonight on Amazon and I think this might be what I am hoping for. Her piano will be prominent in the work since she is working with classical music compositions. I remember when I saw her in Houston in the late 90's how wonderful it was that it was just her and Caton, her guitarist, on stage. I saw her in Detroit for "From the Choirgirl Hotel", (I think that was the album she was promoting at the time). It was a drastic departure from the piano girl days. It was in a huge arena with a full rock band.
So, anyway, it is interesting to note how even beautiful super-talents can have a fickle audience. As far as myself, my output has always been shiznit. Really, I am such an artist. Screaming into a webcam and showing off Japanese snacks. Okay, I will shut up now.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Jack in the Box closed in Tennessee?
There is a Jack in the Box near the hotel we stay at in Tennessee. It is the halfway point on our way to Mississippi. The problem is it is no longer listed on Jack in the Box's website. That is a bummer for me because I always look forward to going there.
We leave early this morning. I will have to wait and see if that Jack in the Box is still open.
Another restaurant I look forward to going to is Whataburger. I have to wait until I am in Texas to go to one of those. I checked Whataburger's website and there is one in Jackson, Mississippi but that is no where near where my Dad lives.
Speaking of my Dad, he is in the hospital with pneumonia. I hope he can come home by Sunday when we land at his house. My brother is down there now.
We leave early this morning. I will have to wait and see if that Jack in the Box is still open.
Another restaurant I look forward to going to is Whataburger. I have to wait until I am in Texas to go to one of those. I checked Whataburger's website and there is one in Jackson, Mississippi but that is no where near where my Dad lives.
Speaking of my Dad, he is in the hospital with pneumonia. I hope he can come home by Sunday when we land at his house. My brother is down there now.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Do you think that Factsheet Five and the availability of zines it reviewed was the precursor for platforms like youtube?
A viewer of mine poses this question as a proposed essay topic, “Do you think that Factsheet Five and the availability of zines it reviewed was the precursor for platforms like youtube?” I think that blogging, vlogging, and companies like Lulu have replaced the some times costly method of publishing that was photocopying. Instead of paying up front to print your material at Kinko's, now you can upload a pdf file to a website like Lulu and only have to pay for your own personal printed copy of your work. Lulu takes a small amount out of your book's price but this is still less costly than spending five to ten cents per page at Kinko's.
Back in the days of photocopied zines, people who wished to remain anonymous had to rely on a post office box to protect their identity. The true anonymity came with the age of the internet. Skilled computer users have ways of hiding their computer's location. This has opened the door for internet trolls who can now harass people without any immediate repercussions. This has also spurred on the development of what certain parties call “cranks” and conspiracy theorists of all stripes to form their own online communities. Now instead of being totally alone in beliefs of reptilians and false moon landings, you can now turn on the computer and find people with similar beliefs. Perhaps this has changed the face of mental illness. Psychosis is a condition rarely shared. Many of us know that the, DSM, the diagnostic manual American psychiatrists formed has outlined in its book that culturally accepted beliefs are not included in its definitions for illness. As broadcasters such as Alex Jones can attest, you can have a large following and be deluded or a liar at the same time.
YouTube itself may have destroyed many a blogger's writing habits. It is much easier to make a quick webcam video than to sit in front of the screen staring at your own words. I am proof that this can lead to disastrous results. It was way too easy to let it all out on cam. This led to way too many instances where I made a video while enraged or tearful. And of course that is like a beacon to the trolls.
I hope that this was a satisfying answer to your question. Thank you very much for suggesting it.
Back in the days of photocopied zines, people who wished to remain anonymous had to rely on a post office box to protect their identity. The true anonymity came with the age of the internet. Skilled computer users have ways of hiding their computer's location. This has opened the door for internet trolls who can now harass people without any immediate repercussions. This has also spurred on the development of what certain parties call “cranks” and conspiracy theorists of all stripes to form their own online communities. Now instead of being totally alone in beliefs of reptilians and false moon landings, you can now turn on the computer and find people with similar beliefs. Perhaps this has changed the face of mental illness. Psychosis is a condition rarely shared. Many of us know that the, DSM, the diagnostic manual American psychiatrists formed has outlined in its book that culturally accepted beliefs are not included in its definitions for illness. As broadcasters such as Alex Jones can attest, you can have a large following and be deluded or a liar at the same time.
YouTube itself may have destroyed many a blogger's writing habits. It is much easier to make a quick webcam video than to sit in front of the screen staring at your own words. I am proof that this can lead to disastrous results. It was way too easy to let it all out on cam. This led to way too many instances where I made a video while enraged or tearful. And of course that is like a beacon to the trolls.
I hope that this was a satisfying answer to your question. Thank you very much for suggesting it.
Monday, November 8, 2010
What you talking about azrienoch? Does thecarruths eat ice cream on the psych ward?
I had fifty dollars put into my PayPal by a nice person. I had offered to my YouTube audience to write a 500 word essay if they sent me two dollars. So, the way I figure it, I owe the anonymous person twenty-five essays.
Last night I decided to spend that money. One thing I wanted to get was a book by a person named thecarruths on YouTube. The book is titled “Waldeinsamkeit”. He has read poems from the book in his YouTube videos. I am not a huge fan of poetry but he said there was prose in the book too. So that book was the last thing I bought last night.
The first two books I got were on the bargain list at Barnes and Noble. I shopped there because they take PayPal. One was about a woman with bipolar. She wrote an earlier book about her eating disorder. She was diagnosed with bipolar after that. The other book was by a man who received a lobotomy as a boy in the 1960's or 70's.
After getting those two books, I searched for books on schizophrenia. Based on the search results, I had almost every memoir written by a schizophrenic person that was available. My search continued and I landed on the following book, “The Paradoxes of Delusion: Wittgenstein, Schreber, and the Schizophrenic Mind.” According to the product description, “Most schizophrenics, however, do not act as if they mistake their delusions for reality.” Doesn't that sound interesting?
The name Wittgenstein is familiar to me, only the name, not the thinking or the man, because Azrienoch and his friends, like thecarruths, used to speak at length about him in their videos. Maybe now I can have some familiarity with what the heck Azrienoch was talking about all that time.
The name Schreber is familiar to me because I bought a copy of “Memoirs of My Nervous Illness” years back. No, I have not read it yet.
“This is dog food,” says the voice. Thank you voice for reminding me, indirectly, that I am suppoosed to talk about ice cream on the psych ward. I know my writing is, as you say, “dog food.”
Yesterday, we went to the grocery store and I bought chocolate swirl ice cream cups. I got that kind of ice cream because it reminds me of the psych ward here in town. The big hospital here puts vanilla single serve ice cream cups in the freezer. That is one good thing they have there.
Pudding cups remind me of the psych ward in Ann Arbor. A lady that was a foot taller than me brought me pudding one day because I was skipping all the meals. This same lady said I looked like Elian Gonzales. I will never know if she was serious or if that was her humor. This lady was tall and overweight. There was a little young black lady who kept saying, “Praise Jesus” in group. The huge pudding lady tried to steal the little Jesus lady's sweater.
I saw the top half of a naked man on that ward. A nurse was showing me the bathtub, she opened the door and a man was in there taking a bath. We were supposed to tell them when we bathed. I imagine this is for safety. She scolded the man and I had to wait until someone got out of the shower.
I will end by telling you that the big tall lady offered to give me a makeover. I declined. She was kind of scary. She said, “You look like hell.” It has almost been ten years since that first time being sick.
Last night I decided to spend that money. One thing I wanted to get was a book by a person named thecarruths on YouTube. The book is titled “Waldeinsamkeit”. He has read poems from the book in his YouTube videos. I am not a huge fan of poetry but he said there was prose in the book too. So that book was the last thing I bought last night.
The first two books I got were on the bargain list at Barnes and Noble. I shopped there because they take PayPal. One was about a woman with bipolar. She wrote an earlier book about her eating disorder. She was diagnosed with bipolar after that. The other book was by a man who received a lobotomy as a boy in the 1960's or 70's.
After getting those two books, I searched for books on schizophrenia. Based on the search results, I had almost every memoir written by a schizophrenic person that was available. My search continued and I landed on the following book, “The Paradoxes of Delusion: Wittgenstein, Schreber, and the Schizophrenic Mind.” According to the product description, “Most schizophrenics, however, do not act as if they mistake their delusions for reality.” Doesn't that sound interesting?
The name Wittgenstein is familiar to me, only the name, not the thinking or the man, because Azrienoch and his friends, like thecarruths, used to speak at length about him in their videos. Maybe now I can have some familiarity with what the heck Azrienoch was talking about all that time.
The name Schreber is familiar to me because I bought a copy of “Memoirs of My Nervous Illness” years back. No, I have not read it yet.
“This is dog food,” says the voice. Thank you voice for reminding me, indirectly, that I am suppoosed to talk about ice cream on the psych ward. I know my writing is, as you say, “dog food.”
Yesterday, we went to the grocery store and I bought chocolate swirl ice cream cups. I got that kind of ice cream because it reminds me of the psych ward here in town. The big hospital here puts vanilla single serve ice cream cups in the freezer. That is one good thing they have there.
Pudding cups remind me of the psych ward in Ann Arbor. A lady that was a foot taller than me brought me pudding one day because I was skipping all the meals. This same lady said I looked like Elian Gonzales. I will never know if she was serious or if that was her humor. This lady was tall and overweight. There was a little young black lady who kept saying, “Praise Jesus” in group. The huge pudding lady tried to steal the little Jesus lady's sweater.
I saw the top half of a naked man on that ward. A nurse was showing me the bathtub, she opened the door and a man was in there taking a bath. We were supposed to tell them when we bathed. I imagine this is for safety. She scolded the man and I had to wait until someone got out of the shower.
I will end by telling you that the big tall lady offered to give me a makeover. I declined. She was kind of scary. She said, “You look like hell.” It has almost been ten years since that first time being sick.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Demonic Hamsters and the Word Whore
Demonic Hamsters and the Word Whore
My name is Songlian and I am helping my adoptive mother, melsbasketcase, write essays. I received gifts from other cats online and in response to that a group of vicious female hamsters started calling me a whore. They whisper through the walls of this house. They are with me wherever I go.
These hamsters pretend to be my relatives, friends, and acquaintances. I have considered the possibility that these hamsters are demons. At times I hear deceased relatives trying to guide me into good decisions. The conflict is that I have developed an almost complete lack of trust with these things. It is a bit like having a friend or relative who will tell you they love you and then moments later fly at you with insults. I'm sure everyone can relate to that. The part they cannot relate is the part where only you can hear the insulting people.
“You're my....brown nose girl.” Isn't that funny? The shittiest thing is that the funniest insults that occur in my head are directed at me and do not feel like my own thinking. “Kowabunga.” WTF!
“She's going down.” Lionel Richie chimed in and had to say, “Hello, is it me you're looking for?”
The hamsters also hate my meds. When I take my med each night a motherly voice will smile. The bad thing is that other voices comment on how the pills may be shortening my life. I am on Zyprexa and it has a risk of causing weight gain which will contribute to the development of diabetes. For older patients, it can affect the heart. For most of the atypical antipsychotics, there is a strong warning to physicians to not prescribe the drugs to the elderly with dementia.
Last year seemed to drag on. I think I experienced a taste of what adult depression is like. Suffice it to say, there were many happy things that happened last year. Just there was something strong trying to drag me down.
“It's a tortured existence.” Wow, whoever said that is a bitter person. You cannot see from looking at that quote the intent of the speaker, but I can. It is a female who does not like me so much. They are insinuating that I am a fraud who is sucking off the government teat through Feline SSDI.
I remember a week or so ago a voice said, “He's a fag, Song.” I can't remember if that voice was male or female. I could also not determine who the “he” they were talking about was. Did they mean my son, Zatoichi is gay? Did they mean my adoptive father, Rob, is gay? Did they mean that one of the trolls was gay?
“You should not be writing this down.” “By rote.” “He's coming unglued.”
I wonder how artists like Tori Amos manage it. She has written many songs about her upbringing with her priest father. “It's a whole new bag.” She must not be all that fearful of him or her family. She is not afraid to write about how they affected her.
“It's full of typos.” “God, she is so dumb.” “What are they accusing you of?” “Tampon. Someone needs a tampon.” “This will kill you, Songlian.” Danny Elfman would like to close it with this, “Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.”
My name is Songlian and I am helping my adoptive mother, melsbasketcase, write essays. I received gifts from other cats online and in response to that a group of vicious female hamsters started calling me a whore. They whisper through the walls of this house. They are with me wherever I go.
These hamsters pretend to be my relatives, friends, and acquaintances. I have considered the possibility that these hamsters are demons. At times I hear deceased relatives trying to guide me into good decisions. The conflict is that I have developed an almost complete lack of trust with these things. It is a bit like having a friend or relative who will tell you they love you and then moments later fly at you with insults. I'm sure everyone can relate to that. The part they cannot relate is the part where only you can hear the insulting people.
“You're my....brown nose girl.” Isn't that funny? The shittiest thing is that the funniest insults that occur in my head are directed at me and do not feel like my own thinking. “Kowabunga.” WTF!
“She's going down.” Lionel Richie chimed in and had to say, “Hello, is it me you're looking for?”
The hamsters also hate my meds. When I take my med each night a motherly voice will smile. The bad thing is that other voices comment on how the pills may be shortening my life. I am on Zyprexa and it has a risk of causing weight gain which will contribute to the development of diabetes. For older patients, it can affect the heart. For most of the atypical antipsychotics, there is a strong warning to physicians to not prescribe the drugs to the elderly with dementia.
Last year seemed to drag on. I think I experienced a taste of what adult depression is like. Suffice it to say, there were many happy things that happened last year. Just there was something strong trying to drag me down.
“It's a tortured existence.” Wow, whoever said that is a bitter person. You cannot see from looking at that quote the intent of the speaker, but I can. It is a female who does not like me so much. They are insinuating that I am a fraud who is sucking off the government teat through Feline SSDI.
I remember a week or so ago a voice said, “He's a fag, Song.” I can't remember if that voice was male or female. I could also not determine who the “he” they were talking about was. Did they mean my son, Zatoichi is gay? Did they mean my adoptive father, Rob, is gay? Did they mean that one of the trolls was gay?
“You should not be writing this down.” “By rote.” “He's coming unglued.”
I wonder how artists like Tori Amos manage it. She has written many songs about her upbringing with her priest father. “It's a whole new bag.” She must not be all that fearful of him or her family. She is not afraid to write about how they affected her.
“It's full of typos.” “God, she is so dumb.” “What are they accusing you of?” “Tampon. Someone needs a tampon.” “This will kill you, Songlian.” Danny Elfman would like to close it with this, “Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.”
Monday, February 15, 2010
Filthy Hindsight Dream
Yesterday I watched the video "in-your-face Atheists get their feelings hurt" by SableChicken on YouTube.
Last year was mildly mentally turbulent. I frame it as mild because there are people with schizoaffective disorder that have much nastier versions of psychosis. I was on Geodon all of last year. It stopped working for me at some point in the beginning of 2009. Probably due to the days I skipped doses and stayed up for way too many hours. Geodon requires food for it to metabolize in your system. I am the kind of person who cannot keep to things like that.
I am on Zyprexa now, 10 mg at night. It is working better than the Geodon. Things are still there but I do not feel their weight. You know how you are at a gathering and a nasty person walks in the room. You have a sharp intake of breath. The voices are kind of like that. Except they are sitting on top of my brain all day and can see everything.
When on Geodon it has seemed at moments that the voices can see in advance. I was getting awake time messages that seemed to predict what I would see on the computer. Last year was full of wild dreams, some of them relating to what I would see online. Which brings me back to SableChicken's video. Last night I had a Geodon kind of dream. In my dream I had a very small penis. When I woke up I thought, "Dagnabit, I thought I was through with pervo Geodon dreams!"
You might be thinking, "What the hell does that have to do with her video?" SableChicken used a clip from the girl she responded to where the girl says she has a three inch penis. So, I realized that Sable's verbal imagery is probably the cause of my dream last night. It was not a fast forward prophecy in miniature dream. It was as Rob would call it in his comic book writing style, a callback.
"Fast forward prophecy in miniature" is the term I have come up with for the times when something a voice said into my mind comes to life in the real world. I lost a lot of firm footing that I had in the previous psychotic episodes. In the previous episodes it was easier to see where in my memory of reality the voices came from. Last year, I kept getting tricked into thinking it was a consciousness out there or multiple consciousnesses that were speaking to me about these itty bitty events in the future.
Last year was mildly mentally turbulent. I frame it as mild because there are people with schizoaffective disorder that have much nastier versions of psychosis. I was on Geodon all of last year. It stopped working for me at some point in the beginning of 2009. Probably due to the days I skipped doses and stayed up for way too many hours. Geodon requires food for it to metabolize in your system. I am the kind of person who cannot keep to things like that.
I am on Zyprexa now, 10 mg at night. It is working better than the Geodon. Things are still there but I do not feel their weight. You know how you are at a gathering and a nasty person walks in the room. You have a sharp intake of breath. The voices are kind of like that. Except they are sitting on top of my brain all day and can see everything.
When on Geodon it has seemed at moments that the voices can see in advance. I was getting awake time messages that seemed to predict what I would see on the computer. Last year was full of wild dreams, some of them relating to what I would see online. Which brings me back to SableChicken's video. Last night I had a Geodon kind of dream. In my dream I had a very small penis. When I woke up I thought, "Dagnabit, I thought I was through with pervo Geodon dreams!"
You might be thinking, "What the hell does that have to do with her video?" SableChicken used a clip from the girl she responded to where the girl says she has a three inch penis. So, I realized that Sable's verbal imagery is probably the cause of my dream last night. It was not a fast forward prophecy in miniature dream. It was as Rob would call it in his comic book writing style, a callback.
"Fast forward prophecy in miniature" is the term I have come up with for the times when something a voice said into my mind comes to life in the real world. I lost a lot of firm footing that I had in the previous psychotic episodes. In the previous episodes it was easier to see where in my memory of reality the voices came from. Last year, I kept getting tricked into thinking it was a consciousness out there or multiple consciousnesses that were speaking to me about these itty bitty events in the future.
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